Here comes the sun...YAY

Okay, so Brian and I had a nice talk last night...okay, I TALKED and he listened. My husband has many gifts, but the gift of gab is not one of them.

Me being the planner that I am wanted to sit down and figure out a plan for the new year. I mean I didn't want to plan every detail, but we have some pretty big chunks of time that needed to be accounted for (work training, etc.). We got to talking about the kids and our life, and I am reminded why I love him. He makes me feel like every dream I have is doable. Like everything is going to be okay no matter what I decide to do.

Today I still want to adopt our baby...Brian and I basically decided we are going to have to have a piss or get off the pot date. A date where either we jump in with both feet or we don't. I guess that is good since that's how we've made every big decision in our life, AND how I finally got Brian to commit to dating me when we were young. I told him he had a certain date to make up his mind to date me, or I was going to explore my other offers...LUCKY him he made the right decision!! : )

For now I am going to continue to pray and see where the Lord takes us. I want to get more involved with our church, and focus on my relationships with the Lord, and really get over my fear and jump in with both feet into our church and HOPEFULLY make some really solid friendships.

I covet all of the prayers we can get as we move forward into 2011. ESPECIALLY since after the Auburn game we are ridding our household of Satellite t.v. ...oh the horror! : ) We've decided its getting in the way of us spending good quality time with our kiddos, so we are getting rid of it. I may have some withdrawal, but it is something I've felt led to do for years, but now finally have my hubby on board!
Labels: adoption, decisions, Husband, kids draft

New Year

I've decided not to make any New Year's resolutions this year, which I guess in itself is a New Year's resolution, thus defeating the purpose of my NO NEW YEAR'S resolution.

Anyway, things have finally started to slow down in the house, but my house looks like a disaster zone right now. I'm still not done taking down all of my decorations. I've got three of the five trees down (its a sick Christmas obsession, that must be stopped!), and tomorrow I am hoping to finish packing up the rest of the stuff. The trees are the hardest because you have to wrap each ornament individually, but the rest of the stuff should be a breeze and then to REALLY clean.

That is about all I can handle on my plate right now. I've been confused lately on whether or not to adopt. My desire to have another baby is still strong, but I'm not sure if my body will keep up. My thyroid levels have been on target, and all of my other levels still look good, but some days it seems impossible to even think of keeping up with another one. I mean babies are easy...they eat, sleep, and poop. Its all kind of beautiful, and I LOVE the quiet time in the middle of the night when its just me and the baby and no one else, but then the day comes and I am EXHAUSTED!

I recently had the privilege of getting to watch my cousin Ayden who is just about 2, and let me tell you...I WAS EXHAUSTED after a couple of hours. I don't know how my aunt does it with three active kiddos. I have two and some days seem longer than others, BUT with all of the hard work I also get so much out of being a mommy.

My kiddos are so smart, and funny (yes, I know every mom thinks that, and every mom is right!). They constantly amaze me at the stuff they come up with. My husband often look at them and wonder aloud what people without kiddos do with themselves. It must be sad, and lonely, and (ok, I sometimes envy this last one) QUIET! I'm sure they get to use the bathroom by themselves, and don't have to hear tattling on a regular basis, but what about the joy they miss out on?

I don't know where this is coming from other than I am still tired from all of December's activity. It was so much easier when I could just get pregnant. I had all of these fears with my pregnancies, BUT once I made that leap, and got pregnant there was no turning back. With adoption there is WAY to much time to think about it! I can leap one day, then back out the next.

I know my mom is hoping I don't do it, but as she says, she "will support" me no matter what. AHHHHH...I hate that I can't jump...I'm to much of a control freak to just let go, and go with it. Adoption gives you to much time to think of all of the variables.

Well, for now I'm not going to think about it, because March or April is the earliest we could even THINK about financially beginning the process, so until then...I guess I'll just enjoy the kiddos I have now, and not worry (ha ha) about the future.

To Be or Not to Be...can't decide!

Yes, I've been wanting a baby for the past 3 years, and the desire still remains, but the reality is, I AM SO LUCKY right now.

Right now I have a really good life. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful girls, and all is well. I don't know if it is because right now I am soooooo exhausted from the holidays, or my sister's wedding, but the truth is that if I had to make a decision today about whether or not to add a baby to the family or not, the answer would be no.

We are blessed that my husband is still employed and I am able to stay home with our girls, but right now things are tight, as we pay off debt, and cut off our credit card spending and get back to the basics.

I'm not sure what the future holds, or if when I am well rested I will change my mind again, but right now I am tired! : )

Right now I am at such a wonderful place in life. I love my 30's and the new freedom I have now that my kiddos are in school, and I love the plans for the future I have with my husband.

I'll keep you guys posted. Until then keep us in your prayers!!

You know you've been together a long time when...

My husband and I went to see RED last week, and it was so much fun to go out with my baby.

After the movie was out we passed the bathroom and I turned to my husband and said, "Do you have to go potty?". He went to the bathroom, and as I waited for my husband, another couple walked by and the woman turned to her spouse (A HUGE muscled tattoo man) and said, "Baby, do you have to go potty?".

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who says stuff like that to my husband...SOO FUNNY!

Anticipation

The grown up in me is really glad that we decided to take a break from the adoption process after our "county experience", but the Mommy in me is like, "GIVE ME MY BABY!!"

I am excited soooo excited for March when we can officially begin this journey again. I know that it is going to be another long road, but oh the end result is going to be worth it.

Our pastor told us to pray specific, so I have been praying for a healthy baby boy, but also acknowledging that the Lord may have other plans for us. So for now I am praying for little Brody James to come home with us, and be healthy and happy, and I am also praying for a really good relationship with his birth parents.

Chances are our little one hasn't even been conceived yet, but I am already praying for his/her biological parents and the tough road they are going to have to face.

I hope they will know that their child has been loved and prayed for before his/her conception, and they have been prayed for too.

In so many ways this is like a pregnancy. With my girls I wrote to them in their journals, prepared for their arrival through prayer, and relished the thought of their arrival. I am doing all of these things for little Brody James. (Do not fear we have names for the little one if he turns out to be a she!!!)

I hope his/her birth parents will always know that their child was loved before he/she was born, and wanted, and will become an integral part of this family.

So in the mean time I PRAY PRAY PRAY, and wait on the Lord's guidance and provision for this adoption.

KEEP US IN PRAYER!!

Really??????

So the other night Brian and I had a babysitter (WOO HOO), and I was DYING to see The Expendables (Love me some Jason Statham...owww!), so we went and sat down, and I was SHOCKED to see this couple bring in their young children. Now when I say young...I mean YOUNG! The youngest looked about four, and the oldest about 6.

As the previews started there were a few that I couldn't even watch because of the creepy factor, so I was thinking about the little girls in the front. As the movie started I tried to focus on the movie and not the kids, but the Mommy in me just kept thinking about those little ones in the front.

At one point of the movie this guy has this totally awesome gun that when shot literally blows half of the person off, and these parents did not remove their children even one time the whole movie.

I know that I am not a typical girly girl who likes Jane Austen, and Lifetime television for women, but I wouldn't even dream or dare take my kiddos to something so violent. I love action movies, and know the difference between reality and fiction. These kids were exposed to stuff that at their age they shouldn't even have an inkling about. They should be watching Olivia, or Blue's Clues!

Sometimes it really makes you wonder if like the adoption process some bio parents should have to go through a process to become parents because that was stinkin' ridiculous. Anyway, that is my rant for the week...I think! : )

Letting go in baby steps!

Yesterday My mom, sister, brother-in-law, me, and the girls headed to Six flags. It was a wonderful day, and one that I had been saving up for, for a little while. I wanted to be able to take my girls, and spoil them rotten for a whole day.

I didn't realize that yesterday would be such a big day for my little girl, AND for me. Brianna was finally tall enough for the UPSIDE DOWN rides. She was so excited, and I was TERRIFIED! My biggest fear was that she would get in the ride...it would start, and she would be terrified and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, but I would see her little face in total terror.

As a mother, I always want to protect my kiddos from anything that might hurt them or cause them discomfort. As she waited in line I was PANICKED. I made my sister promise to place her between her and my brother-in-law Dave. She sat in the chair, and looked so excited.

I felt like I was going to cry. I was so anxious. The ride started, and as she went round and round her smile grew bigger and bigger. SHE LOVED IT!! I was so glad, and it kind of reminded me that as my children grow there are going to be specific times where I am going to have to LET GO, and let them experience life even though it may not be pleasant, AND I am not going to be able to always make sure that they aren't scared, or upset, or unhappy, BUT there ARE going to be times when letting go is going to allow them to experience some of the most AWESOME things in life.

It was a day of fun as she rode more rides, and with each one letting go got a little easier, BUT I know its not always going to be that easy. That is why I am going to have to cover my children in prayer, and entrust them to the Lord and have faith that they are in his hands.