Wednesday, December 29, 2010

New Year


I've decided not to make any New Year's resolutions this year, which I guess in itself is a New Year's resolution, thus defeating the purpose of my NO NEW YEAR'S resolution.

Anyway, things have finally started to slow down in the house, but my house looks like a disaster zone right now. I'm still not done taking down all of my decorations. I've got three of the five trees down (its a sick Christmas obsession, that must be stopped!), and tomorrow I am hoping to finish packing up the rest of the stuff. The trees are the hardest because you have to wrap each ornament individually, but the rest of the stuff should be a breeze and then to REALLY clean.

That is about all I can handle on my plate right now. I've been confused lately on whether or not to adopt. My desire to have another baby is still strong, but I'm not sure if my body will keep up. My thyroid levels have been on target, and all of my other levels still look good, but some days it seems impossible to even think of keeping up with another one. I mean babies are easy...they eat, sleep, and poop. Its all kind of beautiful, and I LOVE the quiet time in the middle of the night when its just me and the baby and no one else, but then the day comes and I am EXHAUSTED!

I recently had the privilege of getting to watch my cousin Ayden who is just about 2, and let me tell you...I WAS EXHAUSTED after a couple of hours. I don't know how my aunt does it with three active kiddos. I have two and some days seem longer than others, BUT with all of the hard work I also get so much out of being a mommy.

My kiddos are so smart, and funny (yes, I know every mom thinks that, and every mom is right!). They constantly amaze me at the stuff they come up with. My husband often look at them and wonder aloud what people without kiddos do with themselves. It must be sad, and lonely, and (ok, I sometimes envy this last one) QUIET! I'm sure they get to use the bathroom by themselves, and don't have to hear tattling on a regular basis, but what about the joy they miss out on?

I don't know where this is coming from other than I am still tired from all of December's activity. It was so much easier when I could just get pregnant. I had all of these fears with my pregnancies, BUT once I made that leap, and got pregnant there was no turning back. With adoption there is WAY to much time to think about it! I can leap one day, then back out the next.

I know my mom is hoping I don't do it, but as she says, she "will support" me no matter what. AHHHHH...I hate that I can't jump...I'm to much of a control freak to just let go, and go with it. Adoption gives you to much time to think of all of the variables.

Well, for now I'm not going to think about it, because March or April is the earliest we could even THINK about financially beginning the process, so until then...I guess I'll just enjoy the kiddos I have now, and not worry (ha ha) about the future.

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