Its Valentine's Day...For us its just another day. We aren't big Valentine's Day celebrators at our house. We just love each other every day, and call it good! : )
Anyway, last night I was on the phone with my husband (he's out of town on business), and I started talking to him about our relationship and how far we've come. Its probably all of the Valentine's talk that got me thinking about it.
The other day I was on my way to Target and stopped at the stoplight (by Taco Bell, and the Movie Theater), and it hit me how about 14 years ago (approx...I've had two children, my brain is mush) my mom and I were at the same stoplight in my car getting ready to go to chapel at Simpson. Josh McDowell was the guest speaker, and was one of my mom's favorite, so I brought her along to hear him speak. (I'll get back to the stoplight in a second) Anyway, Brian and I were having issues in our friendship, and we just never could get it right. I KNEW at the age of 16, that I wanted to marry Brian.
I have been in love with Brian since 1993, and he says "I always knew it was you", but it took us years to get it together, and getting back to that stoplight, Brian and I were going through a rough patch in our friendship (shortly after he found out he was going to be a father).
I was really upset, and told my Mom that I was so frustrated that we just couldn't get it together, and she made the comment that it probably wasn't God's Will for us to be together even though that is what I wanted. At the time I was devastated.
All of these years later I can see how the Lord grew us, and changed us, and made us ready for each other.
Brian and I were talking about this last night because of our adoption. We wanted to add a child since '08 and have had major times of frustration, but we can see how God has opened and closed different gates. When we started I was CLOSED to anything but a foreign adoption, and slowly those doors closed, and our family member who was going through the county offered to watch our kids for the classes so we could adopt through the county.
I wasn't excited about the county because I STILL had my heart set on a Korean adoption. I prayed. Lord if it is your will for us to adopt here in the states let their be an Asian baby in the county (because at time I was convinced that there were only white babies here)
Anyway, for the first time in our marriage Brian had a regular schedule that allowed him to attend classes, we had a babysitter, AND on the first night of class there was a beautiful little Asian girl there with our instructor Raylene. Not only was this baby Asian, but she was KOREAN.
I was so excited and felt confident we were on the right track. At home we were struggling with our oldest daughter, and I wasn't sure if it was right for us, and just felt so uncertain about the county, but continued to go to class. Out of those classes, my heart was opened to an OPEN adoption, which NEVER EVER would have been possible.
I never felt settled with the county, and after a year and a couple of "almost" babies we decided to close our license, and Brian who because of cost was never open to anything other than the county started to look into stuff with me.
We came across Bethany Christian Services because years ago a friend mentioned it to me after the birth of Brianna, and we were considering adoption because my pregnancy had been so rough. The name came to me again, and so I sent for info, and to my surprise I felt at peace, and so did Brian after he researched some of the funding options.
EMOTIONALLY I get scared and go back and forth, and have made the mistake of sharing that with my family who despite their love for us can't truly understand the emotions of it all because they haven't gone through this. About the only people who get it are my friends who have adopted and my sister-in-law who is still going through this process, and is a great listener to my UPS AND DOWNS.
So for now, as we pray, I continue to ask God to lead me through the doors I am supposed to go through. One day I will be able to look back and see how the Lord led us to where we are supposed to be. If that leads us to another child (which I'm not going to lie is my desire), then awesome, and if it doesn't I am already blessed beyond measure!!
