Wading through paperwork...again

So we e-mailed our adoption application last night, it was exciting, but also kind of exhausting. We've already done this once before, and I am NOT looking forward to all of the paperwork that is to come, and not to mention MORE classes, although I am happy that this time they are on-line...PRAISE GOD!! The benefit of having done this before is that I kind of know what is coming. Although we didn't end up adopting with the county I DO feel that I am more prepared for what is to come. The down side to this is that the county process pretty much wore me down, and this time around I don't have the energy and excitement for the process that I did last time.

I guess that is a blessing though because I am not hung up on time-lines right now, or rushing around trying to get to our baby closer and then ending up waiting and waiting. Just as with biological children, babies come when they are supposed to! I know my child has already been determined for us by God, so I am just going to plug along and TRY to relax and enjoy this journey. It is sooooo much like a pregnancy in so many ways. You have to take every thing in steps, and you really don't have a whole lot of control over what happens to you...you can only control how you RESPOND to what happens to you! : )

I am excited to hold our child in my arms, but I am ALSO excited about what else the Lord is going to teach me through this process. We started with the county in late 2008, and already the Lord has used it to mold us and shape us in so many ways! I am a better mother, and we are a better family because of some of the classes we have taken and some of the wonderful friends we have made.

So I guess I better pull up my waders, and keep wading through the paperwork!

Life is about the Journey???

Received a call from my Dad this morning, just checking in on us and to see if we still had his camera, and as we were about to hang up he said, "So I hear you are thinking about adopting again".

Of course I didn't lie and I asked who told him and he said my mom. At first I told him I didn't want to talk about it with them because I know that he and my mom wish we wouldn't add to the family, but I guess I was curious as to why.

We love our children so very much, and Brian and I have prayed about this decision, and we both really want to add another child to this family.

My dad said maybe it was his and my mom's selfish grandparent thing that if we added another that one of the kids might not get enough attention, or someone else would be overlooked if the child became sick, and that at least if there were two "no one would get left out".

I know they have concerns, and this is not a decision that Brian and I have come to lightly. I just don't like to hear it because it makes me worry about all of the what ifs...

Having thought back to my other pregnancies, I worried about the SAME things. What if I don't have enough love for both of my kids (I did, and do), What will I do if one gets sick and I can't be every where at once (God always works it out), What if something happens to one of my kids, how will I survive (All mommies worry about this)...I can't see the future and I don't want to ruin this journey with worries like I did with our county process.

I wish I had my parent's support on this, but I'm confident that through prayer, and with my discussion Brian and I are walking in the right direction, and if God changes that direction then we will move accordingly. I am also praying that God will change and soften their hearts.

The important thing is that I KNOW once our child arrives that my family will love this child just as it has our two others.

I'm a bit bummed, but not deterred : )