A little bit of this...a little bit of that

I was talking to my husband the other night and I was wondering..."WHEN did I stop being fun?" I mean when I was a kid I was a huge ball of energy that drove my poor mother to the brink on more than one occasion. I loved to play soccer, baseball, I LOVED gymnastics, and crafts, and I spent many hours in creative thought and reading.

I was always on the lookout for fun.

I've always been kind of an old soul, and I do tend to take life to seriously sometimes, but it seems there is just so much responsibility when you are a mommy. I mean some days it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders as you pray for your children and their futures, and their health, and that they don't go sideways in their teen years.

I do love to laugh, and I enjoy watching my kiddos play and tell cheesy jokes, and I hate to admit it, but I think fart humor is HILARIOUS. I haven't completely lost my sense of humor, but I think along the way that I've lost a little sense of my adventurous spirit and I know that I have pretty much lost all spontaneity.

To go on a trip with kids (and hubbs) requires at least a day if not more (depending on length of the trip) of planning and packing to get on the road, so by the time the trip starts I am soooo ready for vacay. Men are blessed in many ways like...just being able to show up.

On the flip side I am in a traditional relationship and I am PRAISING God that I have a husband who is solid and goes to work every day to support our family financially, but does he really have to have such a good time doing it : )? I do respect the HUGE responsibility that he carries on his shoulders.

Maybe its my attitude. Brian is so happy go lucky most of the time, and I feel like a grumpy gus so much of the time. OKAY, maybe its because its PMS week that I am feeling so CRAZY!!! I'm sure everything will look better in a few days or with a few bars of chocolate. Either way its all good.

So I think I've gotten off topic again, but that is the beauty of having a blog...you can say whatever you want! LOL

So to get back to what I wanted to say is that I am going to be intentional about looking for fun in my days. I think it will make be a better wife and mom, and it may even cause me to step out of my comfort zone and just let go and be free like when I was a kid.

Anyway, that is it from me for now...Sorry this isn't the greatest of blogs but I felt like letting it all out today.

I know all there is to know about the waiting game...

So seriously you guys, I'm in a process that I have been told could take up to 18 months, and I am only in month 2, and I am running out of surfaces to scrub, and new recipes to try.

I know the Lord has it under control, and I DO trust His timing. I just want to know what to do with myself in the mean time! I have been trying new recipes (oh yes, even recipes on how to make my own cleaning supplies), scrubbing tiles, folding mountains of laundry, and EATING like a maniac (that has to stop), and at the end of the day I thank God that He got me through one more day of waiting.

I have also started reading a chapter a day of the Bible and now that my Bible study has started I am doing that home work every day as well. Before I start getting ideas on things to do while I wait let me tell you what I have already done.

I have:

Put together a nursery complete with bedding.

Packed a diaper bag ready for the hospital (because you just never know) : )

Cleaned the car seat and it is ready to go (another gift from my sister-in-law).

I have shopped for clothes, socks, and other appropriate AUBURN tigers gear for Baby B.

I have read AND taken every class and book required AND suggested, and watched every DVD including Happiest Baby on the Block.

I have purchased baby towels, tub, soap, bottles, bottle cleaners, baby butt cream, lotion, hair brush, fingernail clippers, temporal scanner thermometer, and WAAAAY to many burp cloths.

My sister in law has gifted me with a beautiful brand new baby bjorn active (which I love).

I have blankets, Books about adoption, books that I love (Good Night Moon),

Brian and I have names picked out.

The only thing left to do is get my sister's support (I can't imagine that will happen until the baby gets here...family...can't live with them can't have a good organ donor match without them LOL )

So, with all of that done, I am ready for baby. (I have the stroller picked out too, but in case its twins I am holding off)

So, every day I try to get through every minute without thinking "Is today the day?", and I try not to have my heart jump in my throat every time the phone rings looking for a (209) area code.

I'm baking, cooking, shopping, and cleaning myself silly. What to do? What to do? SERIOUSLY...WHAT SHOULD I DO!! : )

Please keep us in prayer. I'm sure I'm driving my poor saint (ha ha ha) of a husband crazy.

Please pray that God will work in me even through this crazy time in my life, and that I won't lose my mind completely.

Do You Trust Me? Do You Trust My Timing?

I was really feeling the weight of waiting this past week. When we first started on this road to adoption in 2008, I would have never guessed that we would still be a waiting family in 2011, but situations changed and we changed agencies.

I've come a loooong way on this journey. When I first started out I was adamant about not having an open adoption, and now I am actually looking forward to an open adoption plan. I only wanted to go the route of international adoption. In the past couple of years I have read book after book, and article after article, and taken class after class in order to prepare for adoption. I've undergone two home studies, and explored parts of my family and marriage I probably wouldn't have given a second look at had we not decided to pursue adoption.

I've agonized and prayed, and I have seen the Lord change me, shape me, and mold me into a better mother, and wife, and while I may struggle in the short term with waiting, I am thankful as I look back to see what the Lord has brought me through and what He continues to take me through.

I was reading my Bible this past week and a piece of paper fell out with the date of April 29, 2009 on it. The title of the article was "Do you Trust Me?".

I was really struggling with the wait that day, and a potential birth mother situation had been brought to us, and I wanted to jump on it, but prayed that the Lord would guide my husband to tell us what we should do. I knew we shouldn't allow our profile to be shown, but sometimes I am WEAK when the thought of a baby in my arms and in my home comes to mind, and THIS particular baby had a due date of early October, AND was a boy.

Of course that is all I saw as I dismissed some really big risk factors in the pregnancy. When Brian finally called me back we discussed it, and he didn't feel comfortable with the situation (which I'm not giving all the details to because its confidential), and our agreement has always been if one of us is uncomfortable then the decision is made.

I took out my Bible, and when the article fell out I read it. As I read it one line popped out to me, "Do you trust me? Do you Trust My Timing?" I wanted to cry because even though in my head I knew that the situation was not right for us, I felt like "HEY! I've been waiting forever Lord, WHEN is this going to happen?"

It was like a slap in the face as that line rang in my head, "Do you trust me? Do you trust My timing?" I prayed, and cried, and prayed some more and gave it over to Him. I want God's best for my family and for my life, and I KNOW that the Lord is working in my life, so I gave it over to God and with that I said, "Yes, Lord I trust you, even though I sometimes forget, and YES LORD, I trust your timing!"

I'm not sure when our child will be here, but I have put my trust in the Lord. "YES LORD, I TRUST YOU, AND I TRUST YOUR TIMING!"

Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways, declares the LORD