Do You Trust Me? Do You Trust My Timing?

I was really feeling the weight of waiting this past week. When we first started on this road to adoption in 2008, I would have never guessed that we would still be a waiting family in 2011, but situations changed and we changed agencies.

I've come a loooong way on this journey. When I first started out I was adamant about not having an open adoption, and now I am actually looking forward to an open adoption plan. I only wanted to go the route of international adoption. In the past couple of years I have read book after book, and article after article, and taken class after class in order to prepare for adoption. I've undergone two home studies, and explored parts of my family and marriage I probably wouldn't have given a second look at had we not decided to pursue adoption.

I've agonized and prayed, and I have seen the Lord change me, shape me, and mold me into a better mother, and wife, and while I may struggle in the short term with waiting, I am thankful as I look back to see what the Lord has brought me through and what He continues to take me through.

I was reading my Bible this past week and a piece of paper fell out with the date of April 29, 2009 on it. The title of the article was "Do you Trust Me?".

I was really struggling with the wait that day, and a potential birth mother situation had been brought to us, and I wanted to jump on it, but prayed that the Lord would guide my husband to tell us what we should do. I knew we shouldn't allow our profile to be shown, but sometimes I am WEAK when the thought of a baby in my arms and in my home comes to mind, and THIS particular baby had a due date of early October, AND was a boy.

Of course that is all I saw as I dismissed some really big risk factors in the pregnancy. When Brian finally called me back we discussed it, and he didn't feel comfortable with the situation (which I'm not giving all the details to because its confidential), and our agreement has always been if one of us is uncomfortable then the decision is made.

I took out my Bible, and when the article fell out I read it. As I read it one line popped out to me, "Do you trust me? Do you Trust My Timing?" I wanted to cry because even though in my head I knew that the situation was not right for us, I felt like "HEY! I've been waiting forever Lord, WHEN is this going to happen?"

It was like a slap in the face as that line rang in my head, "Do you trust me? Do you trust My timing?" I prayed, and cried, and prayed some more and gave it over to Him. I want God's best for my family and for my life, and I KNOW that the Lord is working in my life, so I gave it over to God and with that I said, "Yes, Lord I trust you, even though I sometimes forget, and YES LORD, I trust your timing!"

I'm not sure when our child will be here, but I have put my trust in the Lord. "YES LORD, I TRUST YOU, AND I TRUST YOUR TIMING!"

Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways, declares the LORD