My husband has been gone for almost a month now with the Air Force, and I truly thought I'd be handling this better than I am. I've been doing a lot of fun things with the girls, and its been busy with the Christmas season, but it just feels like there is something missing when he is not here.
I think the Lord is trying to teach me to rely on him for everything, but I'm not going to lie...IT IS HARD. I was in tears the other night just missing Brian and just kept thinking to myself, "I can't do this without him...he is my everything", to which a small whisper in my head replied, "I am your everything". I know that Lord is my rock, and the one I am supposed to lean on during times of trouble and times of joy, but it seems like this lesson is harder than I thought to learn.
I honestly thought this would be a piece of cake. Brian would be gone, but I'd have God and it would be all good. The Lord always provides, but I just didn't count on missing Brian as much as I do. I mean half of our courtship was spent with me waiting for him to either come home from the military or from the CHP academy.
Today is Sunday, and I am feeling guilty because I should be in church...instead here I sit feeling sorry for myself and just not being able to face people. I mean the thought of walking into church and being around everyone(as much as I love my church family) just seems overwhelming to me. I feel like I just want to lay in a corner and lick my wounds.
The scary thing about this for me is that we still have 5 more months to go after this and I just don't know how I am going to make it through. I'm not going to lie...I am freaking out.
I don't know...maybe I'm just depressed, and once this depression lifts I'll feel better. I imagine this is normal with long separations, but I have to say that Brian is handling this better...which to be honest kind of ticks me off : ).
Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent.
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