Really??????

So the other night Brian and I had a babysitter (WOO HOO), and I was DYING to see The Expendables (Love me some Jason Statham...owww!), so we went and sat down, and I was SHOCKED to see this couple bring in their young children. Now when I say young...I mean YOUNG! The youngest looked about four, and the oldest about 6.

As the previews started there were a few that I couldn't even watch because of the creepy factor, so I was thinking about the little girls in the front. As the movie started I tried to focus on the movie and not the kids, but the Mommy in me just kept thinking about those little ones in the front.

At one point of the movie this guy has this totally awesome gun that when shot literally blows half of the person off, and these parents did not remove their children even one time the whole movie.

I know that I am not a typical girly girl who likes Jane Austen, and Lifetime television for women, but I wouldn't even dream or dare take my kiddos to something so violent. I love action movies, and know the difference between reality and fiction. These kids were exposed to stuff that at their age they shouldn't even have an inkling about. They should be watching Olivia, or Blue's Clues!

Sometimes it really makes you wonder if like the adoption process some bio parents should have to go through a process to become parents because that was stinkin' ridiculous. Anyway, that is my rant for the week...I think! : )

Letting go in baby steps!

Yesterday My mom, sister, brother-in-law, me, and the girls headed to Six flags. It was a wonderful day, and one that I had been saving up for, for a little while. I wanted to be able to take my girls, and spoil them rotten for a whole day.

I didn't realize that yesterday would be such a big day for my little girl, AND for me. Brianna was finally tall enough for the UPSIDE DOWN rides. She was so excited, and I was TERRIFIED! My biggest fear was that she would get in the ride...it would start, and she would be terrified and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it, but I would see her little face in total terror.

As a mother, I always want to protect my kiddos from anything that might hurt them or cause them discomfort. As she waited in line I was PANICKED. I made my sister promise to place her between her and my brother-in-law Dave. She sat in the chair, and looked so excited.

I felt like I was going to cry. I was so anxious. The ride started, and as she went round and round her smile grew bigger and bigger. SHE LOVED IT!! I was so glad, and it kind of reminded me that as my children grow there are going to be specific times where I am going to have to LET GO, and let them experience life even though it may not be pleasant, AND I am not going to be able to always make sure that they aren't scared, or upset, or unhappy, BUT there ARE going to be times when letting go is going to allow them to experience some of the most AWESOME things in life.

It was a day of fun as she rode more rides, and with each one letting go got a little easier, BUT I know its not always going to be that easy. That is why I am going to have to cover my children in prayer, and entrust them to the Lord and have faith that they are in his hands.

Together we can take on anything...

I am so blessed in my life as a happy mom and wife. My husband truly balances me out in every way. Yesterday I was so discouraged by the road ahead of us, so when my husband got home, we say down together and we talked.

I shared my feelings and concerns with him, and we talked and together we worked over possibilities. I wouldn't have our marriage any other way. We met so young, and we have in a way grown up together. It has been neat to see him grow from a teenager, to a man. We were friends long before we were a couple, and I love that we continue to be friends, as well as a married couple.

I love being a homemaker and taking care of and spoiling my husband. I love our traditional roles. I love that he goes out to work every day and takes care of our family's needs, while I stay home and take care of our home, and our children. He supports me in all my endeavors and helps around the house, and is an AWESOME father.

When times are uncertain, I know that there are two things I can always rely on. 1-God is in control, and He will see to all my needs. 2-Brian will love me, and take care of me until his last breath.

I am truly blessed.

Am I ready??

Today was the first time in a long time that I have felt so truly in the beginning phases of our adoption journey. When I think about all of the paperwork, waiting, and grant paperwork we have to fill out, I feel almost to tired to begin. I honestly do NOT know where the money is coming from and I will not put my family in a bad place for this journey.

Some days it seems like the day our baby is placed in our arms in never going to happen. Its been two years since we originally applied with the county to adopt, and about 6 months since we closed our license with them. I never felt settled with them, and it always felt...OFF. I really feel at peace in our new choice. I just know its going to take a while, and patience is just one of the fruits of the spirit I am still working on.

My kids are still excited, and they amaze me with their optimism after all this time. They are growing more and more every day, and just make it so fun to get up every day. Brianna is now into the show Billy the Exterminator. She cracks me up with all her play by plays. Brooke is still into Olivia, and her little Olivia doll comes with us EVERYWHERE we go.

I am so blessed to have my girls, and to have such a wonderful patient husband. Even if the journey is long, I know that I have them beside me every step of the way. PRAISE GOD!

Roller coaster...again...I don't think so.

I've been feeling really settled and at peace with our decision to apply with Bethany CS in the spring, but its been a weird week here. One of the agencies we considered prior to Bethany e-mailed us wanting to re-connect with us. I explained to them, that Brian and I really felt as if we were being led to Bethany CS, and while we appreciated the time Susie B. spent with us, we were going to go with Bethany in the Spring.

I got two more calls from this other agency wanting to speak with me to review our options. I wrote back telling them we had prayed about it, and we were set on moving forward with Bethany. The next day I received an e-mail from the agency asking me to review my options and to read the attached article about a Bethany lawsuit.

I have to say this really turned me off. I was livid because I can't stand when other people bad mouth others in their field. I feel an agency, or business should be able to stand on their own merits. So at Brian's suggestion I googled this agency, and they had SEVERAL lawsuits against them, and many complaints.

When I read the article about Bethany I still felt confident that in that situation they tried to make it right despite the difficult circumstances surrounding the overseas adoption.

When we decided to take a break from adoption last Christmas, I knew I needed the break from the roller coaster, and I feel at peace with our new journey, BUT I am not looking forward to the emotional ups and downs again...or all of the paperwork. : )

I really took my family along for the ride...so much so that my mom only wants to know about the baby when I call her to come with us to pick up our little angel. She's afraid I'll be disappointed again, and mommies can't stand to see thier babies heartbroken...NO MATTER WHAT THE AGE!

We are keeping this situation in prayer, and are super excited about how the Lord is going to move and work in our lives. I'm sooooo excited to see how God is going to show himself to our family. I'm convinced we are going to be taken back by how He brings all of this about.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

~Where Jesus reigns there is no fear, no restless doubt, But quietness and calm instead~ Anonymous

Follow up post to Sex Talk

For those of you who know me, and know I have a step-son may wonder how I explained that situation to my daughter after our "don't have sex before you are married" conversation. I did explain it to her, but I didn't feel comfortable sharing that with EVERYONE because that part of the conversation is going to stay between me, Brianna, and my husband. If it was only about me I'd blab like crazy, but my husband is more private that I am.

I just wanted to clear that up for those of you that know about my wonderful step-son Anthony. Thanks for joining me on my Mommy journey!!

The sex talk...YIKES

My daughter and I were watching A Baby Story, and she turned to me and asked, "Did she just poop that kid out?". I told her no that the baby came out of the lady's toto (What we Puerto Ricans call the vagina). She was so appalled and then that led to a whole lot more questions, that I answered through my blushing.

I explained to her about sex (NOT GRAPHIC), in a very general way, and she said, "Oh, so you and Daddy only had sex twice...once for me and once for Brooke". I told her no, that is one of the ways that husbands and wives show each other they love each other. She seemed good with that answer...for now.

I kept emphasizing that it is ONLY for husbands, and wives...so hopefully as we go over again in the future, she will know that God's plan is that sex is only between a husband and a wife, and that she will honor God, and herself by waiting until marriage.

It was a very long discussion, and I SURVIVED. I was so freaked out at first, but then I was glad because my daughter felt she could ask me all of those questions without being embarrassed. I hope this means that she will continue in the future to feel like she can talk to us about sex, or anything else that may come up, and she will know that Mommy and Daddy will answer her questions honestly.

I don't even want to know what she is going to ask next!! : ) Parenting is not for the faint of heart!!