A rose by any other name....

Okay, so most of you know I have been stressing about the baby's name for a bit due to our unintentional "Br" names. If the baby was going to be biological than I would probably have explored more options, but not wanting our 3rd kiddo to feel left out we have FINALLY come to the conclusion that we need to continue the "Br" line for Baby #3.

We talked about doing "D" names after me, but couldn't find any that I liked, or that we agreed on so here it goes....

If we have a boy his name is going to be Brody (not telling middle name because I am still trying to lobby Brian for a different middle name). If its a set of twin boys the second boy will either be Brendan Joshua, or Bryce Andrew (Brian HATES my favorite name Bradley Scott, so I am out of luck there).

If we have a little girl her name will be Brileigh Grace (I'm adamant about the middle name), and if its twin girls the other little angel will be either Bridget Faith, or Brielle Renee or some variation of those...I also like Brinley, but might be to weird if the names were that similar).

I wasn't to worried about it until our social worker told us the last two placements happened super fast. Like mom gave birth, and then called Bethany and wanted to look at profiles, and baby was placed within two days. Our social worker told us to get our names in order for paperwork purposes, so now that part is settled.

YAY! I will keep you all posted. SW is supposed to give me a call later so if there is any news to share I will...if not we will just wait until the next post!

I know I'm weird...but...

Okay, so I know that I am weird, but the truth is I am so much happier in dark and rainy weather. Okay so its not raining today, but I am so crossing my fingers that it does.

I am not a morning person, but I woke up to the dark skies, and crisp cool weather and I was (a phrase my mom uses quite frequently) "Happier than a pig in poop" I got up all chipper, and my kids and I were out the door to the grocery store picking up ingredients for all kinds of yummy soups and breads. I love this weather soooo much...I think I've said that already, but SERIOUSLY....SO HAPPY right now.

I guess this time of this year just brings up all kinds of wonderful memories for me. When we lived in Adak (island on the aleutian chain for those of you who don't know), the weather was like this a lot...all year round. Living on Adak was one of the best experiences of my life. I lived there from 4th grade to 8th grade (which in the Navy is a long time to live in one place). Its funny because we all complained about living there while we were there, but I don't know a single one of my friends that wouldn't like to visit that moment in their lives again even if it was for just one day.

We were surrounded by some of the nicest and most loving people there like the Kiilsholms, the Hansens, the Moores, the Finks, and the Bruffs...oh and we can't forget Miss Mary Lou. They were all like our family.

I think that is why this time of year mean so much to me. The fall air, and the smells of soups and all kinds of comfort food, and just the general feeling of anticipation that comes with knowing that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are on their way.

I am now trying to create those kinds of memories for my children. I try to have something yummy going when they get home whether it be fresh bread, or pumpkin spice bread, or hot chocolate waiting for them.

We decorate for Fall here, (not so much Halloween), and we have our special Thanksgiving decorations that we break out every year, and we have a fiber optic turkey that we call the "Tacky Turkey" that the girls LOVE that comes out every year.

Don't even get me started on my Christmas obsession...that is a blog all in itself, and is the time of year the my husband is an absolute SAINT for putting up with my Christmas mania. If he'd let me I'd hire actors, and farm animals for a living nativitiy on our front yard, but that man has to put his foot down some where, and with five Christmas trees in the house I think he has been a pretty good sport.

So I guess for now I will be signing off to go and have a wonderful cup of coffee, curl up on my couch and read a good book, and pray for rain!

A little bit of this...a little bit of that

I was talking to my husband the other night and I was wondering..."WHEN did I stop being fun?" I mean when I was a kid I was a huge ball of energy that drove my poor mother to the brink on more than one occasion. I loved to play soccer, baseball, I LOVED gymnastics, and crafts, and I spent many hours in creative thought and reading.

I was always on the lookout for fun.

I've always been kind of an old soul, and I do tend to take life to seriously sometimes, but it seems there is just so much responsibility when you are a mommy. I mean some days it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders as you pray for your children and their futures, and their health, and that they don't go sideways in their teen years.

I do love to laugh, and I enjoy watching my kiddos play and tell cheesy jokes, and I hate to admit it, but I think fart humor is HILARIOUS. I haven't completely lost my sense of humor, but I think along the way that I've lost a little sense of my adventurous spirit and I know that I have pretty much lost all spontaneity.

To go on a trip with kids (and hubbs) requires at least a day if not more (depending on length of the trip) of planning and packing to get on the road, so by the time the trip starts I am soooo ready for vacay. Men are blessed in many ways like...just being able to show up.

On the flip side I am in a traditional relationship and I am PRAISING God that I have a husband who is solid and goes to work every day to support our family financially, but does he really have to have such a good time doing it : )? I do respect the HUGE responsibility that he carries on his shoulders.

Maybe its my attitude. Brian is so happy go lucky most of the time, and I feel like a grumpy gus so much of the time. OKAY, maybe its because its PMS week that I am feeling so CRAZY!!! I'm sure everything will look better in a few days or with a few bars of chocolate. Either way its all good.

So I think I've gotten off topic again, but that is the beauty of having a blog...you can say whatever you want! LOL

So to get back to what I wanted to say is that I am going to be intentional about looking for fun in my days. I think it will make be a better wife and mom, and it may even cause me to step out of my comfort zone and just let go and be free like when I was a kid.

Anyway, that is it from me for now...Sorry this isn't the greatest of blogs but I felt like letting it all out today.

I know all there is to know about the waiting game...

So seriously you guys, I'm in a process that I have been told could take up to 18 months, and I am only in month 2, and I am running out of surfaces to scrub, and new recipes to try.

I know the Lord has it under control, and I DO trust His timing. I just want to know what to do with myself in the mean time! I have been trying new recipes (oh yes, even recipes on how to make my own cleaning supplies), scrubbing tiles, folding mountains of laundry, and EATING like a maniac (that has to stop), and at the end of the day I thank God that He got me through one more day of waiting.

I have also started reading a chapter a day of the Bible and now that my Bible study has started I am doing that home work every day as well. Before I start getting ideas on things to do while I wait let me tell you what I have already done.

I have:

Put together a nursery complete with bedding.

Packed a diaper bag ready for the hospital (because you just never know) : )

Cleaned the car seat and it is ready to go (another gift from my sister-in-law).

I have shopped for clothes, socks, and other appropriate AUBURN tigers gear for Baby B.

I have read AND taken every class and book required AND suggested, and watched every DVD including Happiest Baby on the Block.

I have purchased baby towels, tub, soap, bottles, bottle cleaners, baby butt cream, lotion, hair brush, fingernail clippers, temporal scanner thermometer, and WAAAAY to many burp cloths.

My sister in law has gifted me with a beautiful brand new baby bjorn active (which I love).

I have blankets, Books about adoption, books that I love (Good Night Moon),

Brian and I have names picked out.

The only thing left to do is get my sister's support (I can't imagine that will happen until the baby gets here...family...can't live with them can't have a good organ donor match without them LOL )

So, with all of that done, I am ready for baby. (I have the stroller picked out too, but in case its twins I am holding off)

So, every day I try to get through every minute without thinking "Is today the day?", and I try not to have my heart jump in my throat every time the phone rings looking for a (209) area code.

I'm baking, cooking, shopping, and cleaning myself silly. What to do? What to do? SERIOUSLY...WHAT SHOULD I DO!! : )

Please keep us in prayer. I'm sure I'm driving my poor saint (ha ha ha) of a husband crazy.

Please pray that God will work in me even through this crazy time in my life, and that I won't lose my mind completely.

Do You Trust Me? Do You Trust My Timing?

I was really feeling the weight of waiting this past week. When we first started on this road to adoption in 2008, I would have never guessed that we would still be a waiting family in 2011, but situations changed and we changed agencies.

I've come a loooong way on this journey. When I first started out I was adamant about not having an open adoption, and now I am actually looking forward to an open adoption plan. I only wanted to go the route of international adoption. In the past couple of years I have read book after book, and article after article, and taken class after class in order to prepare for adoption. I've undergone two home studies, and explored parts of my family and marriage I probably wouldn't have given a second look at had we not decided to pursue adoption.

I've agonized and prayed, and I have seen the Lord change me, shape me, and mold me into a better mother, and wife, and while I may struggle in the short term with waiting, I am thankful as I look back to see what the Lord has brought me through and what He continues to take me through.

I was reading my Bible this past week and a piece of paper fell out with the date of April 29, 2009 on it. The title of the article was "Do you Trust Me?".

I was really struggling with the wait that day, and a potential birth mother situation had been brought to us, and I wanted to jump on it, but prayed that the Lord would guide my husband to tell us what we should do. I knew we shouldn't allow our profile to be shown, but sometimes I am WEAK when the thought of a baby in my arms and in my home comes to mind, and THIS particular baby had a due date of early October, AND was a boy.

Of course that is all I saw as I dismissed some really big risk factors in the pregnancy. When Brian finally called me back we discussed it, and he didn't feel comfortable with the situation (which I'm not giving all the details to because its confidential), and our agreement has always been if one of us is uncomfortable then the decision is made.

I took out my Bible, and when the article fell out I read it. As I read it one line popped out to me, "Do you trust me? Do you Trust My Timing?" I wanted to cry because even though in my head I knew that the situation was not right for us, I felt like "HEY! I've been waiting forever Lord, WHEN is this going to happen?"

It was like a slap in the face as that line rang in my head, "Do you trust me? Do you trust My timing?" I prayed, and cried, and prayed some more and gave it over to Him. I want God's best for my family and for my life, and I KNOW that the Lord is working in my life, so I gave it over to God and with that I said, "Yes, Lord I trust you, even though I sometimes forget, and YES LORD, I trust your timing!"

I'm not sure when our child will be here, but I have put my trust in the Lord. "YES LORD, I TRUST YOU, AND I TRUST YOUR TIMING!"

Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways, declares the LORD

Adoption Forum Nightmares!! LOL

Okay, so I went to my agency's adoption forums to support and get support from other adoptive parents who are waiting. So I went to the waiting adoptive parent's forum, and found a post which I thought would be interesting because the poster was in a situation similar to mine. She has children at home already and has been waiting for a while to be matched (I haven't been waiting that long).

She was feeling bummed at having waited this long, so I tried to encourage her, and told her that I truly believe the Lord has our child picked out for us , and to hang in there, and I quoted my favorite scripture, which if you know me even a little bit is Jeremiah 29:11.

With the responses I got you would have thought I lit a litter of Christmas Puppies on fire. Some were offended that I used the words "picked out", while one birthmom (still wondering why she was in the waiting adoptive parent forum) criticized my use of the verse Jeremiah 29:11 stating that God NEVER intends that a child be removed from their biological family.

Okay so I was super depressed after this little mess, so I about gave up. I left a message about just wanting to encourage others, and went on about how I couldn't believe my words of encouragement were picked apart and used the way they were, and the drama still flowed. One wonderful lady (We'll call her My Angel) came to my defense, and we private messaged a little about the birth mom (We'll call her Deeply Bitter Passive Aggressive...long name, so we'll shorten it to DBPA). Angel stated that DBPA is still pretty raw from her adoption placement, and tends to jump into forums and pick on adoptive parents.

After the private message I went back and saw that DBPA had jumped all over Angel and then someone else was still going off about my post which was like 25 or 30 posts. I never wrote anything else in that thread, but as I visited other threads I noticed that there are a few who just seem to go from thread to thread stirring stuff up. It really is sad because most of us I think are there for support, but like in everything there are those few who just SUCK!

I truly hope DBPA finds peace with her decision, and quits being so nasty to all of us who simply have a loving home and heart with a vacancy for a little person who needs to be taken care of, and loved.

I did meet one really nice lady who has now friended me on Facebook, and surprisingly we know some of the same people. Small world when on a national forum you find someone who you have more than a few people and places in common.

So in the mean time I'm not sure I am going to visit the forums as they have put a really bad taste in my mouth. I will not be deterred from what I believe though.

I TRULY with ALL my heart believe and know that the Lord knew what our family would look like before Brian and I ever met, and He knows who our beautiful child is and that child is fully intended for our family. Do I think the Lord intended for children to be separated from their biological families? No, in a perfect world, Mommies and Daddies stay together, and raise Godly children in Godly homes, but this is not a perfect world and we are sinners and for those who choose Christ, we are saved by grace!

So, believe it or not I said a little prayer for DBPA (a little one...I'm still a sinner trying to let her hurtful comments go : ) ), but until then I will quote Anne from Anne of Avonlea. She said this to Katherine (the headmistress at the girls' school, and another bitter woman disappointed by the way her life turned out) "I will not be poisoned by your bitterness".

Waiting

So far this time around the process has been much smoother...mostly because I think we knew what to expect.

I am having a hard time today in this "waiting" period. I know that the Lord has anything under control, but it still doesn't change the antsy feeling I have. I guess I just want to be done with all of this OFFICIAL stuff and just on with being a family.

It is hard not knowing if and when we will be picked, but as time continues to pass, I know that each day brings me closer to our little one.

I am so glad that I have Brian here as my support system. We are both excited, but he is able to somehow not obsess about it like I do. I don't know if its because Mommies are different, and we just can't wait to love and cuddle with our little ones, but on days like today it just feels like I can't wait to hold our little pumpkin.

It is like when you were a kid and you were waiting for Christmas. You don't know what your present is going to be, but the anticipation is crazy as you wait to unwrap your gift, and thank the giver.

In my case I can't wait to meet our birthmom...I'm praying that we get along, and have a good relationship. Through the Bethany forums I've seen a lot of things that encourage me. It seems to me that birthparents are kind of like your in-laws. They are a package deal, and you may just love them to death, or interact with them for the sake of your family. I'm praying the former rather than the latter.

When I married Brian I never imagined we'd be on this adventure together. In so many ways it is so much harder than having biological children, BUT I think that as a couple the process of adoption can really draw your marriage and your family closer together.

I truly am grateful for those that lift us up in prayer. You'll never know how much I appreciate it.

So for now we are like Dory in Nemo! We are gonna "Just keep swimming...just keep swimming". As crazy as it sounds that little crazy fish amazes me with her positive outlook. That is so Brian, and I am of course Marlin...I'm always the one to think something is going to go wrong. So now...we are just swimming along, waiting on the Lord's timing!