My husband has been gone for almost a month now with the Air Force, and I truly thought I'd be handling this better than I am. I've been doing a lot of fun things with the girls, and its been busy with the Christmas season, but it just feels like there is something missing when he is not here.
I think the Lord is trying to teach me to rely on him for everything, but I'm not going to lie...IT IS HARD. I was in tears the other night just missing Brian and just kept thinking to myself, "I can't do this without him...he is my everything", to which a small whisper in my head replied, "I am your everything". I know that Lord is my rock, and the one I am supposed to lean on during times of trouble and times of joy, but it seems like this lesson is harder than I thought to learn.
I honestly thought this would be a piece of cake. Brian would be gone, but I'd have God and it would be all good. The Lord always provides, but I just didn't count on missing Brian as much as I do. I mean half of our courtship was spent with me waiting for him to either come home from the military or from the CHP academy.
Today is Sunday, and I am feeling guilty because I should be in church...instead here I sit feeling sorry for myself and just not being able to face people. I mean the thought of walking into church and being around everyone(as much as I love my church family) just seems overwhelming to me. I feel like I just want to lay in a corner and lick my wounds.
The scary thing about this for me is that we still have 5 more months to go after this and I just don't know how I am going to make it through. I'm not going to lie...I am freaking out.
I don't know...maybe I'm just depressed, and once this depression lifts I'll feel better. I imagine this is normal with long separations, but I have to say that Brian is handling this better...which to be honest kind of ticks me off : ).
Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Just a little update...
So I'm starting to get the questions again about if we have heard anything so I thought I would give a quick update.
Talked to my SW yesterday, and our profile has been seen by every birthmom they had in November, and is going to be shown as far as I know to two girls this week for sure. It is nice because we are so open racially we get shown a lot. While its nice to know that we are getting shown a lot its also kind of a bummer because you kind of start taking it personally...like what is wrong with us?
Currently I've been told there are a total of 33 waiting families. Of the 33, 9 are placement pending (meaning there has been a match, but mom hasn't given birth yet, and papers haven't been signed).
You never know what is going to spark a birthmother's interest and I know in my head not to take it personally because one day there will be a match for us, but truthfully they are looking at a book of your life and either accepting you OR rejecting you.
My prayers continue to be that the Lord would touch every birthmother who looks at our profile and they will be given the wisdom to make the best decision for themself and their unborn baby.
So, in a nutshell this is it...we are still waiting! : ) I am here and Brian is in Texas, but still we are waiting together.
Please continue to pray for us especially for me in the patience department!! God is faithful, and I continue to rest in the fact that His plan is greater than mine.
Talked to my SW yesterday, and our profile has been seen by every birthmom they had in November, and is going to be shown as far as I know to two girls this week for sure. It is nice because we are so open racially we get shown a lot. While its nice to know that we are getting shown a lot its also kind of a bummer because you kind of start taking it personally...like what is wrong with us?
Currently I've been told there are a total of 33 waiting families. Of the 33, 9 are placement pending (meaning there has been a match, but mom hasn't given birth yet, and papers haven't been signed).
You never know what is going to spark a birthmother's interest and I know in my head not to take it personally because one day there will be a match for us, but truthfully they are looking at a book of your life and either accepting you OR rejecting you.
My prayers continue to be that the Lord would touch every birthmother who looks at our profile and they will be given the wisdom to make the best decision for themself and their unborn baby.
So, in a nutshell this is it...we are still waiting! : ) I am here and Brian is in Texas, but still we are waiting together.
Please continue to pray for us especially for me in the patience department!! God is faithful, and I continue to rest in the fact that His plan is greater than mine.
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