It is Monday...

So it is Monday, and surprisingly I am not dreading the week. Last night I was all kinds of stressed out, but I stayed up and cleaned, and I tell you what...all of those clean surfaces has reduced my stress level.

I'm hoping this is a week of renewal for me. I've slid a little bit this past week in my time with the Lord, and I can tell. I don't have that peace that comes from spending one on one time with God.

So first thing on my to do list is open up the word and hear what the Lord has for me today.

Then after my time with Him, I should be ready to tackle the rest of my day and week. Its funny how sometimes it is so hard to spend time with the Lord even when you know it will soothe your soul.

So that is the first part of this blog. The second is kind of a mini update:

Haven't heard anything about new Birthmoms or potential situations. We are still waiting. I will call in during the second week of February and hopefully have a little information, but until then we wait, and wait, and wait some more! : )

So that is what is going on in our little world. Have a blessed week my friends.

Bad day turned out just fine!

Today was a long day. I wish I could tell you that it was one of my better days as a human being, but then I'd be lying.

This morning started off pretty rough as I was trying to get ready for Bible Study. The kids were just going at each other like crazy. Normally I don't have to be anywhere so I can monitor them and keep the bickering at bay, but this morning was a nightmare, and I'm afraid I blew my top. I was in a bad mood after that which I hate, because when the mornings start off like that they seem to spiral down after that.

It seems the harder I try to get to church the harder it is for me to get there. I've been thinking a lot about self-control lately, and it has been popping up in my devotionals too. The definition of self-control was even written on a board at church that was left over from AWANAS. When I saw that I was like, "Okay Lord, I hear you".

I struggle with self-control. I struggle with it in my love of food, in my ability to keep my temper in check, and in areas of discipline, and it is hard for me, and frustrating for me to find myself constantly lacking and strugglingin this area.

I want to be self-controlled as the Lord wants to me self-controlled, but it is hard, and something that I am working on.

I was blessed by the women in my Bible Study this morning, as they are honest,and straight shooters, and I always take away something that really encourages me in my walk. Judy has a sweet and honest spirit, Donna with her honest insights, Jane with her quiet wisdom, Betty who tells it like it is and so full of love for prayer, and Angela's personality reminds me of mine, and I am so blessed by her desire to seek the Lord.

I am blessed by these women.

Hopefully one day I can be a blessing to someone as well. Right now I feel like a total work in progress and some days its all I can do to just hang on to the Lord, and have faith in His divine plan for my life.

Over all today ended up pretty well, and I feel recharged for Sunday...who knows what will come my way then, but hopefully the self-control and discipline will find me sitting in church on Sunday.

My happily ever after

So I was chatting on Facebook today with a friend(my husband's best man from our wedding), and I really enjoyed our conversation. We talked about some new developments in his life, and about my hubs. He and Brian were in the military together, and is one of the few men in Brian's life that he actually considers a true friend.

We talked a little and talked a little about Brian, and I could not help myself. I can speak all day long about my husband. It was nice to speak with someone that appreciates the kind of man Brian is.

I fell in love with Brian at the age of 16 and there really has been no looking back for me.

After we married we were blessed to be able to take on traditional roles. He goes out and works hard to provide for our family and I stay home and see to the kids and the running of the household.

This is my blog, and I'm not out to make enemies or step on toes, but this is how I feel. I truly believe that staying home and taking care of my family has enabled me to have the Happily Ever After that I have always dreamed of.

I am blessed that I don't have to work outside of the home, so I do not have anything else to distract me from my marriage relationship. I am free to be daily devoted to the care of my husband and children. I know that sounds like a miserable trap to some women, and I confess early on in our relationship before we were married, I told him straight out I didn't want to have kids, and I wanted a career and dogs.

He laughed and told me that one day I would want kids...I thought he was INSANE! He was right...shhh...I don't like to admit that to often. : )

Our marriage hasn't always been easy, but we have pushed on and are more in love today than when we first met, and my heart still jumps when he enters a room.

Throw out words like submission and many women freak, but the kind of submission I know has given me more freedom than if I fought against my husband. (For the record I haven't always been successful at submission and every time it has bit me in the butt).

My husband loves me more than himself, and I give my opinions freely, but the ultimate decisions lie with him. He is the head of this household, and it is wonderful to see him move within the role God has called him to.

It is my pleasure to be married to this man. I adore him, and can't imagine my life without him. I enjoy our traditional roles, and love that I am able to stop anything I am doing to make time for him, and for us.

He is my very best friend, my lover, and my partner in all things, and I am so proud to be his wife.

I could sit here all day and talk about how much I love my husband, but he is about to call me on the phone, so for now I must go.

So happy to be his wife.

All by myself...

My husband has been gone for almost a month now with the Air Force, and I truly thought I'd be handling this better than I am. I've been doing a lot of fun things with the girls, and its been busy with the Christmas season, but it just feels like there is something missing when he is not here.

I think the Lord is trying to teach me to rely on him for everything, but I'm not going to lie...IT IS HARD. I was in tears the other night just missing Brian and just kept thinking to myself, "I can't do this without him...he is my everything", to which a small whisper in my head replied, "I am your everything". I know that Lord is my rock, and the one I am supposed to lean on during times of trouble and times of joy, but it seems like this lesson is harder than I thought to learn.

I honestly thought this would be a piece of cake. Brian would be gone, but I'd have God and it would be all good. The Lord always provides, but I just didn't count on missing Brian as much as I do. I mean half of our courtship was spent with me waiting for him to either come home from the military or from the CHP academy.

Today is Sunday, and I am feeling guilty because I should be in church...instead here I sit feeling sorry for myself and just not being able to face people. I mean the thought of walking into church and being around everyone(as much as I love my church family) just seems overwhelming to me. I feel like I just want to lay in a corner and lick my wounds.

The scary thing about this for me is that we still have 5 more months to go after this and I just don't know how I am going to make it through. I'm not going to lie...I am freaking out.

I don't know...maybe I'm just depressed, and once this depression lifts I'll feel better. I imagine this is normal with long separations, but I have to say that Brian is handling this better...which to be honest kind of ticks me off : ).

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent.

Just a little update...

So I'm starting to get the questions again about if we have heard anything so I thought I would give a quick update.

Talked to my SW yesterday, and our profile has been seen by every birthmom they had in November, and is going to be shown as far as I know to two girls this week for sure. It is nice because we are so open racially we get shown a lot. While its nice to know that we are getting shown a lot its also kind of a bummer because you kind of start taking it personally...like what is wrong with us?

Currently I've been told there are a total of 33 waiting families. Of the 33, 9 are placement pending (meaning there has been a match, but mom hasn't given birth yet, and papers haven't been signed).

You never know what is going to spark a birthmother's interest and I know in my head not to take it personally because one day there will be a match for us, but truthfully they are looking at a book of your life and either accepting you OR rejecting you.

My prayers continue to be that the Lord would touch every birthmother who looks at our profile and they will be given the wisdom to make the best decision for themself and their unborn baby.

So, in a nutshell this is it...we are still waiting! : ) I am here and Brian is in Texas, but still we are waiting together.

Please continue to pray for us especially for me in the patience department!! God is faithful, and I continue to rest in the fact that His plan is greater than mine.

Just another day in paradise...

So today has been a fairly uneventful day. Brianna stayed home today with a fever that started out at a 100, and at last check was 101.6. I've given her meds, and a cold compress, and she is feeling yucky, but doing better.

Not that I like her being sick, but my Brie has always been an independent kind of girl...even when she was a baby, so its very rare that she slows down long enough to cuddle with me. Today she crawled in my lap and laid there while I stroked her hair.

I can't believe how big she is getting...as I sit here typing she has come back in to lay with me on the couch. This is special because she is never this still. When I think of her I think of her as my "little hummingbird". She is always on the go and even when she appears to be still her little wings are still flapping away.

I'm sure as soon as the Tylenol kicks in and she feels a bit better she will be off again to see what fun she can find, but for now she is here with me...my baby.

I cherish this time with her. My sweet baby girl. My how time flies...

Get well soon!

A rose by any other name....

Okay, so most of you know I have been stressing about the baby's name for a bit due to our unintentional "Br" names. If the baby was going to be biological than I would probably have explored more options, but not wanting our 3rd kiddo to feel left out we have FINALLY come to the conclusion that we need to continue the "Br" line for Baby #3.

We talked about doing "D" names after me, but couldn't find any that I liked, or that we agreed on so here it goes....

If we have a boy his name is going to be Brody (not telling middle name because I am still trying to lobby Brian for a different middle name). If its a set of twin boys the second boy will either be Brendan Joshua, or Bryce Andrew (Brian HATES my favorite name Bradley Scott, so I am out of luck there).

If we have a little girl her name will be Brileigh Grace (I'm adamant about the middle name), and if its twin girls the other little angel will be either Bridget Faith, or Brielle Renee or some variation of those...I also like Brinley, but might be to weird if the names were that similar).

I wasn't to worried about it until our social worker told us the last two placements happened super fast. Like mom gave birth, and then called Bethany and wanted to look at profiles, and baby was placed within two days. Our social worker told us to get our names in order for paperwork purposes, so now that part is settled.

YAY! I will keep you all posted. SW is supposed to give me a call later so if there is any news to share I will...if not we will just wait until the next post!